you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
