No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
