Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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