U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
