My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
