Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
