What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
