By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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