help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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