i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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