you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
