i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
