IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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