I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
