I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize