you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
