So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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