Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
