I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
