I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
