Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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