Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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