How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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