Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
