woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
