I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had to cum in my sink.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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