we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize