Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
