How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
