My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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