she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
