the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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