She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
