I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize