Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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