We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
