So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
