I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
