How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
