i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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