you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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