I want to have your abortion
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
