I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
