Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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