Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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