so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
