I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
