Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
