I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
