I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm jealous of your bromance
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
