i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
