I am spending my child support on dildos
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
