yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
