Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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