i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
