K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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