Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
