when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize