Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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