4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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