i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
