i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
