If that was your dad, he is hot
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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