apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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