I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
