Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
