Yo dont text me then not text me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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