When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
