The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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