im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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