Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
