So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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