Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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