dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
