Got a toothbrush?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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