i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
