You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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