There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
