please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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