ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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