you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
