oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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