dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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