And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
