remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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