dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
