I hate your face
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
