fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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