hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
