i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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